I received a comment from a reader today that I turned over in my mind and decided to share thoughts on. E., thank you for asking the question. I hope this long-form answer does it justice. It's a robust question. It's one of those questions to which I have an evolving answer.

This is E.'s comment. I link to the original post in the first sentence:

This is a beautiful and helpful post, Gwen! So many of the items you mentioned really speak to me. (And I, too, am in agreement about the power of good posture!) I am curious: do you ever encounter jealousy? By which I mean, do you ever encounter people in your life who are visibly jealous of your success and happiness? If so, how do you deal with that situation (if you acknowledge it at all)?

Like you, I feel extremely blessed and genuinely happy in my life right now. It hasn't fallen from the sky, of course; I work hard for my success and I believe that happiness is something to be practiced and mindfully sought out. (Much thanks to you for your inspiration in these areas!) But I can't help but feel that sometimes other people in my life are envious of my happiness and good fortune and it can make for an awkward (and largely unspoken) tension. These are not people I wish to eliminate from my life, but sometimes simply living my life feels as if I am somehow flaunting. I guess I'm just curious if you ever encounter anything similar and how you address it (or not) in your own life. Thanks! - E.

E.,

Each day we create, we run a risk. We risk we'll succeed and someone will find out about that. We risk that someone, somewhere, will be jealous.

I have to attribute my grandmother with a lot of my understanding of how to work with feelings of jealousy - both those directed my way, and those which arise in me.

During high school I frequently came home upset because of something somebody'd said. I was too this, too that. Not enough this, not enough that. "They" didn't like my this or that or the other thing. And she explained it was jealousy. She basically always chalked up meanness to jealousy.

Now, I'm not sure that's the best thing to tell a high schooler. Because then you start to believe you're the stuff. You start to believe they have a reason to be jealous of you. And a sort of lopsided cockiness can definitely come out of that. But in my case, it helped me build up a thick skin to jealousy.

I learned to spot jealousy over the years, and responded internally by telling myself, "they're just jealous."

Eventually, I left the They're Just Jealous shell by the wayside. Because it served its purpose, and I didn't need it anymore. Now, I take a look at what is arising in me when I sense jealousy (in myself, and in others).

Sometimes I ask the person who expresses a lack of confidence in themselves (or something akin to jealousy towards me) about what's arising in them. I get still and curious for them. I really want to know. 

Let's take happiness. If someone is struggling to discover their own path to happiness, I might ask what they're currently doing to support their happiness practice (I believe it's a practice, not an end goal). I might ask what they've done recently that's bringing them pleasure. In some cases, if it's a friend, I ask how I can support them on their journey to reaching a "9" on a scale of 10.

Other times, though, I'll receive an email and learn that someone feels jealousy, but it's not said directly like that (red flag - if you sense jealousy, may be best to clarify that's what's arising). Sometimes I'll receive email from someone speaking on behalf of others they sense are jealous of my work in the world. That can be surprising. But. Peek at what's underneath, you might find tenderness or sadness.

And, probably it's best not to address the jealousy (or sadness) question head-on in an email. There are some things better done face to face. Working with strong emotions, such as jealousy, is one of them.

If someone is jealous of me, and hints at it, or says it directly, I suspend judgment for a bit. I get curious with them. I ask a lot of questions - sometimes of the person who shared their feelings, sometimes of myself. I don't see jealousy as a bad thing, per se. It's an opportunity to look a little more closely.

What concerns me about jealousy is when it turns from simple longing to be some way we're not into a boiling, bubbling cauldron that includes jealousy, anger, lethargy (oh, I couldn't accomplish that so I'm not going to do anything) and the rest. That's probably a problem. But then, I'm not equipped to help someone handle a problem of that size. They have to handle that on their own.

If it's just a simple, "hey, I'm jealous you accomplished X and I haven't been able to," then I would say, "I get that. Do you want to look at how you might accomplish Y or something like Z, something closer to your own goals?" Because, ultimately, I have to believe we don't want to trade lives with someone else. Maybe there are elements of Heidi Klum's style I want, but I don't want her entire life. Same goes for Oprah Winfrey and Coco Chanel, and all the other high functioning women throughout history. How can I emulate what works for them, without losing myself?

This is my belief. It's good to stay clear on our own desires, to align with what's really alive in ourselves. I find that's one of the best ways to root out not just jealousy, but all the other emotions that are outwardly focused.

I hope this is of some use to you, E. Thank you for putting the question out there.