What Do Lists, Homecoming Court and The Buddha Have in Common?
Homecoming Court
I was recently in a room with half a dozen women. I'm not sure how it came up, but it did. Homecoming Court. Nearly half the women in the room admitted to having been on it, one of us was Homecoming Queen. I was one of the ones sheepishly admitting I had made it onto the court. I wore a black and white pants suit (this was years after the pant suit trend had ended). I rode in on a red T-Top Camaro.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I'm laughing about it now, for starters. Black and white pant suit? Homecoming Court? It was a huge deal in high school. Seriously, it meant you were someone special. Right? It validated your existence in a world where appearances mattered more than grades.
Lists
About two weeks ago, I was in the first batch of folks to get access to Twitter lists. It was completely random, the rollout, and I was asked not to talk about it until it was public. Lists are basically an organizational tool for Twitter. If you're following more than a thousand people's updates you need a way to organize the information coming in.
There has been some backlash about the lists - some find them too high schoolish - and that's what I want to talk about here. In ten years, these lists will make us chuckle, the way my pants suit makes me chuckle now. The way a group of grown women discussing being on Homecoming Court makes us laugh. We thought we were this huge deal. Our peers voted us to the court, so that validated our existence.
Or did it?
Are you basing your self-worth on the number of lists you're on, whether or not you were voted queen (the women who didn't were bummed), or the number of people reading your feed. Walk a fine line with numbers. Monitor them. Don't base your self-worth on them.
Are you looking to a list for validation?
When I read Chris Brogan's post on the subject of lists (and the subsequent comments), it gave me pause. Chris expresses his concern, "people immediately started DM-ing me, telling me that they felt left out or even LESS important because they weren’t on any lists." *record scratch* Feeling less important because you're not on a list, any list, is serious business - and a chance for self-reflection.
Could it simply boil down to social proof (and the desire for recognition)? I like what Naomi Dunford of Itty Biz has to say on the subject: "People really like social proof. The social media consultant with 112 Twitter followers and 9 Facebook fans dies broke. Doesn’t matter that she’s actually just above this petty cliquishness. Doesn’t matter that she really knows her shit. The public cares about her numbers and if she wants to eat, she has to care too." Right. So it's a bird eat bird world, get used to it?
Earlier this week I was named by my peers (with Alexa ranking thrown in for good measure) one of 2009's Top 25 most Powerful and Influential Women in Social Media. (Not quite Miss Universe, but I'll take what I can get. And it looks like even she's getting in on this Twitter business.) Any time a list is released it lends credibility to the work you do. Of course I am aware of that. When I'm asked to speak at a conference, the organizer asks if it's okay to quote this kind of list. So yes, I'm in agreement with Naomi - it's the social proof pudding.
This also resonates. Meg Fowler, who points out in the comments on Chris's post, "Can I ask, if you don't dig lists on Twitter, why you have an icon to the right proclaiming your rank on a list (AdAge Power 150)? Certainly you've been on other "Top" lists as well -- some of which you've likely mentioned or tweeted. Many, many people would probably love to be on those lists, but they're not included for whatever reason (which might make them feel left out, or unsuccessful.)" She's right. If we don't do one list, is it okay to do another one? Maybe a little list equanimity is what's called for?
That Top 25 list, as lovely as it is - and as much social proof as it offers - took less of my time, energy and thought than something posted today by Susannah Conway on her blog. She interviewed me for her series, "My Creative Life." That post won't get the hundreds of comments or thousands of hits the Top 25 post will. But I know the hours that I put into the interview, and the days of her life Susannah has put into making her blog what it is. That's creative proof.
Today at a consulting session someone asked me what my end game is. He said, "You've got X followers and you're on Y lists. Why do you, personally, do this? What do you get out of all this?" And I told him that I'm passionate about meeting people, learning, telling stories, teaching what I've learned. This is it. Right now. The end game, the reason I love doing what I do. Sitting in this room, doing a consulting session, sharing what I can.
In a decade we're going to look back and have a chuckle about what a stir lists and follower numbers caused. We're going to have a laugh about how seriously we took our blog stats. Because in a decade we'll have a whole host of experiences that will help us better frame our current experience, in the same way we can look back on high school and laugh. And we definitely couldn't then.
The Buddha
It is said that when the Buddha is about to attain Enlightenment he is tempted by the wicked, wicked Mara. Mara asks who can prove the Buddha's Enlightenment. The Buddha creates a mudra (seriously, there's a list for that, too: The Ten Most Important Mudras), touching one hand to Earth. He doesn't make a laundry list of all the crazy stuff he's done to get to the point he's at (wonder what Twitter lists he'd be on?), under the bodhi tree. And he doesn't stomp off in a fury. He touches Earth. And, the story goes, he defeats Mara, becoming Enlightened. Et cetera.
If there's a way to discover happiness, it's to get completely confident in who you are without the validation of lists and numbers.
By all means, be aware of the weight of social proof. Encourage the use of creative proof. Then get back to the only proof you need that you exist - your own awareness of the fact.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Reader Comments (13)
Hey Gwen,
Thanks for inviting me to weigh in on this really interesting topic. It feels to me, like you're highlighting that whole dynamic tension between the way one perceive's your competence and the internal experience of confidence and competence that you feel (ex. The Buddha touching the earth as his witness).
With regards to branding, I think this is a key distinction, as there are many ambitious folks out there, who are focusing on twitter #'s, unique visitors, numbers of books sold, etc. when they honestly don't have a lot of competence or deep profundity in what they do. Instead, ambition seems to be driving them.
Then on the other spectrum are those folks who are incredibly profound, but who haven't really put themselves out there that well. Often times, they don't know how that works, as they've spent so much of their time and resources becoming profound (I'm thinking specifically of really good, but unknown spiritual teachers I know). Anyway, it seems like if you're going to be on everyone's list, it's best to be the Dalai Lama's, Pema Chodron's, and Thich Naht Nanh's of the world, who are clearly really profound and have something deep to offer... They aren't in it just for the fame, and I think that in the long run, it makes their message more enduring.
I think that this principle applies equally to other fields of knowledge, and the most amazing creatives, teachers, and leaders out there are the one's that constantly question their own knowledge, who acknowledge their limits, and who are constantly learning... They don't think they've figured it all out, and they don't let ambition or greed monopolize their message. Instead, they use their fame for the greater good, just like the Buddha did. :-D
Vince! Blammy. Yes.
Through the years, when I've run into those deeply engaged, profoundly good teachers they are often so consumed with creating new materials and teaching in their own way that they can't or don't want to stop to address a bigger (read: world wide web-sized) audience. I'd love to see more Thich Nhat Hanhs & Pema Chodrons engaging (or having a team engage on their behalf) with the web. I think the web needs to see more examples of integrating the two - spiritual practice and strong tech skills.
It's hard to know if ambition, in and of itself, is what's problematic. To me, it's a combination of that ambition with lack of desire to help others (selflessness) and inability to see when ambition tips to greed. "Oh! I'm on 23 lists but I wish I could be on 100!!"
Also, some of the strongest proponents that you've pointed out - those teachers are in their 60s, 70s, and 80s. Maybe it takes that long to reach a state of development to completely embody (and know how to share, authentically on the web) aparigraha.
Not sure, in the meantime, I'll keep plugging along, asking the questions and expressing my gratitude to people like you, Vince, for being willing to explore this out loud. You rock.
This was awesome!!! I was the homecoming queen and for a good month my twin brother tried to convince me it was a joke. It didn't really matter much to me back then, but as I got older, I appreciated it more. Only because, I had no real pulse for the social goings on at school. I danced to the beat of my own drum and hung out with my brothers. So wow... typing this... it might have been a joke. LOL!!!!
Either way... I think the knee jerk from the populous is... numbers. They are easy to comprehend at a glance and then once you start looking and understanding... they can change. For instance, when you start finding out that the twitter account with 50,000+ followers and following, is some lame-o way to sell some pyramid scam.... well, the numbers become worthless. But I suppose you have to start somewhere. Personally, I like a good tweet. A funny one. LOL!
Great blog. I'm going to go check you out in the top 25 (Congrats!) and I'll definitely check out Susannah's blog. Thanks for turning me on to her. Keep 'em coming. I'm a fan... numbers or not.
@AlexisCeule
Social Media Mamapreneur
I had no idea the whole list thing was that big of a deal on twitter. I thought it a rather interesting concept to organize people. I was not thinking popularity contest. What in the hell is wrong with people?! For real, Gwen, FOR REAL!!!
I bet you rocked that pantsuit like nobody's business!! LOL
Fantastic post! Thank you for your direct honesty and humor!
Gwen,
Thanks for this. Just yesterday I asked my webgal to take down my feedburner number counter on my blog. It felt so good to relax around numbers and stay focused on what's important---providing super quality content for men who want to grow.
Thanks,
Jayson
Yes Gwen, yes. I hear you on social proof, it does have a draw. It is a way for us to divine meaning in an environment where we are unsure of how to behave, so we draw conclusions based on the actions of others. (Don't get me started on the value of critical thinking skills ...)
Perhaps lists are one of those things (like money) that are not positive or negative until they are used. I'm ignoring all the current evaluations until I can figure out if lists are useful to me or not. So far I have created one and I was pleased because it solved a problem I was having. But I can see how someone would feel bad not to be on any lists.
Begs the question though - how did those people who are featured on numerous lists earn that position? What is the difference between them and the people who are on fewer lists? Examining that difference would just make me want to get my groove on instead of whining about why I'm not listed (if I decide being on a list is important I mean).
Gosh, didn't realize how much I rambled. Sorry. I enjoyed this post. Thanks.
P.S. Naomi never fails to make me laugh and I loved the interview by Susannah Conway. Nicely done.
This is such great perspective. Thanks for the inspiration!
Hi,
Maybe Susannah's blog post won't get a million hits but I found your blog that way and I'm intrigued and will probably keep reading - I like your style.
Keep it up.
Anneli
Hey Gwen - I love your blog and your vibe. And you seem the sort that doesn't mind candor.
What you said already about "proof" via your own awareness above the social proof -- is spot on. The rest of the hype going around about "lists"... yawn. Whatever.
There are many expert people in the world that don't know (or care) about social media - because they are busy being experts in their field in the real world. This would apply to the Buddha also in that he (as chela on the path) was busy about his enlightenment and not the politics of the day...
Anyone that measures others credential by things like: if they were "first" on some idiotic list, how many twitter followers, diggs or whatnot - well, that just sort of speaks for itself. So yeah - back to planet earth please. Thanks for the great article. best,
I enjoyed this post, Gwen. As someone who is just dipping a tentative toe into the turbulent and deceptively warm waters of blogging and social media, I particularly responded to your highlighting the difference between 'social proof' and 'creative proof'. I also came to your site via your post on Susannah Conway's blog, and certainly it is the 'creative proof' that I respond to in what I chose to read on the internet. Much better to get lost in a wonderful piece of writing, a fascinating conversation, or a number of intriguing and inspiring ideas, then to get caught up in the world of Top 10. Lists are subjective. They are a way of organising stuff. That's it. What I really loved about this post is your skill in weaving stories and ideas together. Thank you!
Great discussion on a topic that's been making some folks a bit jumpy and "high school sorry" for themselves :)
It's nice to have that external validation that what you're doing is being listened to and appreciated, but man oh man is it about so much more than this - for me at least.
You're completely right on the importance of finding your purpose in regards to measuring what value you find in different kinds of listing, ranking and whatnot.
I've found that the some of the most satisfying "lists" that I appear on are pretty small and personal. Ladies that I run into in person for the first time at a conference that tell me they've been reading my Blog and sharing it among friends for years. Or maybe that person that just happened to run across something I wrote as a guest writer on another site that really took my words to heart on that particular day and moved forward with a tough decision and thanked me behind the scenes later.
As giant and list-filled of an interactive world that we live in, it just takes on being on a single human's 'Hey, When I Hear Your Name That Spark In My Eyes Lights Up' List and all the hours, research, cropping and lonely posts without comments just plain make sense in a way they didn't before.
And you know, sometimes that validator is me! Running across something I wrote 6 months ago that brings me joy can completely hit that sweet spot. Or make me wonder how sleep-deprived I was and who let me out alone on the Internet... but that's another story. heh. xo
Yes, yes, yes. Imagine what people could accomplish if they spent the time focusing on where they are NOT, with what they could be creating... -Christine