Looking Good Is Not An Option. It’s Your Duty.

After the bubble burst in Japan, unemployed men would don their suits and ride the train as though they still had jobs. Wearing a suit, with no real place to go. Why? Part of it was probably out of routine, but the other piece gives us a little insight into the Japanese psyche.

I think the typical Japanese mind, on a daily basis, is ready for anything. Anything could happen and may. An earthquake could set your building rattling. Someone on the train may be looking for new hires. It’s best to be prepared.

Wearing a suit on the subway when you don’t have a job might seem like an American’s worst nightmare. Why wear a suit when you don’t have to? For that matter: why do anything that isn’t required of you?

It’s a difference in upbringing, to be sure. It’s also a difference in societal norms.

Who Do You Choose?

If you’re wearing a suit on the train and someone sees you, and they’re hiring, they’re more likely to strike up a conversation with you than the guy wearing jeans and a t-shirt two seats down, aren’t they? That’s a lot of “ifs” but what is life but a sequence of “ifs” becoming reality?

When I was there in 2005, there was a movement in Japan called Cool Biz where salarymen were encouraged to leave the suits behind, loosen the ties and even try wearing Hawaiian prints to work. The PM led the way (Koizumi san…what a hottie). The reaction was mixed: “We welcome the Cool Biz move; it is a favorable wind for us,” Masaaki Kato, spokesman for Renown D’urban Holdings, one of Japan’s largest apparel companies, said in an interview. “The fence between business and casual has been crumbling down recently. There is a decline in the traditional view that the man who is wearing a suit is a businessman and the man who’s not is unemployed.” So either you’re wearing a suit or you’re unemployed?

The average Japanese person has, and I’m generalizing here, but overall, strong convictions about looking good, as do I. I believe that looking good, getting yourself well put together before you leave the house, is a direct reflection of who you are. As superficial as it may sound, you are judged by what you wear and what you do (or don’t do) to your hair.

If you were the boss and had to choose between a job candidate in a tank top and cut offs or one in a black A-line, who would you choose?

Paying It Forward, Revisted

An older woman checking out at the grocery store last night, when asked by the cashier how she was doing responded with a sigh and a grimace. I’m not saying you have to go around all smiles and butterflies, but consider that a smile to the cashier essentially ensures a smile for the next person in line. Breathe and smile, no matter the circumstances–it not only helps you, it helps everyone around you. A thought: sometimes doing it (like, acting happy) makes it happen (like, being happy).

When considering your personal brand (as it evolves daily), take a look at what you’re wearing and how you’re wearing it. Consider the possibilities that a suit may mean. Consider the alternatives of a smile instead of a frown. The packaging helps us get an indication about what’s inside. And tells us whether or not we want to open you up.

One final note: know when not to wear a suit. I have watched a local Venture Capital firm do this with ease. Sometimes I wonder if those guys have an on-site personal maintenance person to keep them looking great. They show up to speaking gigs in suits and pull them off as confidently as a button-down and jeans at casual get-togethers. You may not be a VC, but as lots of women’s ‘zines tell us: dress the part. If you think you might want to someday make as much money as an investor, dress like you want it. Ronna Lichtenberg has an entire section on Personal Packaging in her book, Pitch Like a Girl. From the book (guys, it’d serve you well to read it, too):

“Aim up for your look. Your shoes and handbag should reflect where you want to be rather than where you are now.”

It’s often not what you wear but how you wear it that matters. I can rock a thrifted tee and jeans with as much confidence as a Thai silk dress. Getting comfortable in your own skin is the quickest way to looking hot - wear it with confidence or leave it in the closet. I don’t care what you wear. Just make sure you rock it. As they say out in Cali, go big or go home.

Today sk*rt, one of my favorite little pieces of the web, changed names–we are now kirtsy. It was a brief battle of wills you can read about on Mashable and Design Mom and Startup Houston and Blogher. Oh, and, my favorite so far over at The Bloggess, too. The kirtsy editors, behind the scenes, were shocked and then exultant over the name change. We’re like: change? Ok, where, when and how high?

From a branding perspective, I think things will only go up for the site from here. The editors are going to spread the word, you all are going to put up new links and we’re generally going to be midwives to this new change, helping get it out into the world one push a time (with me on the visual? Great!) This week, more than $1,000 worth of prizes are being given away this week for those that spread the word the best. I mean, really…there’s nothing not to love about this thing.

I have had the pleasure of spending time with the three founders together on several occasions (the first time, at Blogher 2007, then twice at SXSW–we met Dooce together and I took lots of photos of them as they hugged her to pieces–and the next day ate cupcakes at their well-attended coffee morning). The skill, grace and openness they’ve shown through this is right in line with their personalities (and the fact that they do all this with a combined total of eight children between them, I’m constantly in awe)—I want to be like them when I grow up!

There have been moments, in this wonderful world of tech, that I have been like: fugghedaboutit, I’m outtie 5k! Those moments when I’ve thought it was too cutthroat, when I heard rumors and rumors of rumors about me, when the comment section on some blog or another made me feel like my intestines were being removed via my esophagus. But then, I’d cruise over to the site now called kirtsy and see an article like the one on the Jezebel blog banning cruel comments and I was like, ok, breathe, you can deal with this. We’re in it together.

The sk*rt to kirtsy change reminded me, once again, that what I’m doing matters. That acting with grace and dignity in a world that is sometimes less than kind is important, nay, vital to the universe of the web. I think the future of our online society belongs to those that keep their cool and love during the chaos. I also think victory will go to the ones that speak their truth clearly and with their heads held high. Even when we feel like telling the naysayers and mean girls to kiss our a**e*. This is proof: it’s better to kirtsy and walk away from the self-destruction. Onward and upward, kirtsy!

First up, on Tuesday we had a great turnout to the May New Tech Meetup (looking around, I estimate that a record 30-40% of the audience was female–fantastic turnout). The highlight of the night for me was Brightkite’s presentation. The presentation itself appeared to be done on the fly, but I liked that about it. The staid and solid 12 page power points bore me…I’ve seen them done multiple times at NTM. I like to see something fresh and Brightkite has it.

I won’t go on and on about it, but let’s suffice it to say that many have tried and failed to do what Brightkite is doing. I didn’t get it until I started using it in earnest at the An Event Apart conference in NOLA two weeks ago. I can see where my friends are (they check in and out) and post my live location. There are multiple levels of security and I never post exact coordinates, but if someone wants to direct message me and get together, I do it.

Meanwhile, yesterday out in the fine, blue-skied Carolinas, a social media event called Blog Carolinas went down. I logged in to Ustream and followed the event as it happened, live. I participated via multiple mediums (and using these tools,was able to participate remotely and through listening/watching video and talking with participants, got as much or more out of the event as I would have had I been physically present.): Twitter, Meebo, Ustream, Seesmic and Summize. I’ll assume you either know what those things are or will click the links to find out. I want to really drill down on (in my opinion, the biggest & best) one momentarily.

Twitter is a social phenomenon that allows you to track what you and your friends are doing–day and night. But that’s not the extent of it, which is why Wayne Sutton has teamed up with Twitter and a few other sponsors to sponsor a contest that asks the question What is Twitter? I’m a judge for the contest but sort of wish I was a participant because they’re giving away an iPhone to the winner and following last weeks’ Phone Falling into Toilet at The Cat’s Cradle incident, I really need one.

Ok, “need” is relative. So is “one.” But you get my drift. If you “need” “one” check out the contest and you tell us: What is twitter?

Gwen Bell is a TechStar from Wayne Sutton on Vimeo.

This weekend I took a whirlwind tour of North Carolina and while there met with Wayne Sutton (of Twitter & MSNBC fame). He interviewed me about the startup scene in Colorado & Carolina. Because I’m a Carolina alum and current Colorado resident, I have a soft spot in my heart for both. The entrepreneurial scene is ripe and growing in the Chapel Hill/Raleigh area. Right now they’re just wrapping up an event called MyNC and are already nearly booked for BarCamp NC in August. I could not be more thrilled for the community.

If you’re in the Carolinas and want to get involved, follow Wayne on Twitter. If you’re in Colorado and want to get involved, follow me. I love seeing the interaction between these two communities and trust that our collaboration will only raise awareness for both scenes.

Oh, and at the end of the interview, I give a hint about what I might be up to next. Fun times.

I went to do some heart searching. These things happen. New Orleans is an amazingly supportive place to do it. Any place with beignets (my detox went on pause for four days, but I had no caffeine and no alcohol except that one sip at the Event Apart party. Erm.) is close to heaven for me.

Just before NOLA, my business partner Paul came to visit Boulder from Berlin for two weeks. We wrapped up our taxes during his visit and took some time to re-evaluate where we’re at. During his time here we watched one of our main clients close up shop. That’s when we decided to do some re-branding. The design firm formerly known as Plunge Artist (which we had to explain to everyone) is now officially Paper Karaoke. It reflects our unhealthily goofy obsession with karaoke and current commitment to making more tangible items to sell (postcards and the like). We’re thrilled to be embarking on this project.

Paul and I love to work together. His somewhat hesitant idealism and consistent idea stream matched with my exuberance and get-er-doneness seem to be a perfect fit. The company just turned a year old and we have figured out one another’s quirks…in fact, our quirks seem to be what makes it work.

So there was that. Paul flew home to Berlin and the next day I flew to New Orleans where I spent some time reflecting on what it means to me to be in the startup world all the time. I think we’re always reinventing ourselves. When we stop being flexible enough to reinvent our lives, we die.

Of course I know that’s the liberal arts girl in me talking. And I understand that there are times that we honestly, truly, want things to stay just as they are. And then they don’t. Hurricanes happen. Lives get turned upside down with a single phone call. The mind that is ready for change allows the body to do what it’s supposed to do: move on.

I am reminded of a moment in Japan. I was in Shinjuku, Tokyo standing on the eighth floor of Kinokuniya bookstore. Panels of glass to my left, looking up at the bookshelves that touched the ceiling. As I reached for a novel, the building began to shake. I felt the rush of fear in my throat and began to look around for Patrick, panicked. Then I noticed the rest of the customers, most of whom were Japanese. They were flipping through their manga, talking to each other calmly, walking around! In this moment of unexpected turbulence there they were. Still. Completely unperturbed.

Could I be that still in chaos? I’ve done years of mediation and yoga and yet I still let the storms rile me. Awake at Work is a book about this. In it, Michael Carrol says:

“Most important, “No ground, no guarantees, just now” reminds us that we are free. By acknowledging that who we are and what we do at work is never fixed, we discover a basic freedom, because anything can happen next. Remaining open to a world that is so vastly unpredictable requires us to be exceedingly brave and to trust that we are fully equipped to engage such events. To be that free is to be utterly available to our lives — to trust that we have the ingenuity, good humor and curiosity to adapt and thrive, no matter what the circumstances.”

Another project I’m involved with, sk*rt, is going through a name change today. If you cruise over to the site right now you’ll be able to help them re-name it (and perhaps win something, too). I have seen the editors go from pretty pissed (and we are all _so_ pretty) to totally tubular about it. Witnessing a community mobilize and “self-actualize” is inspiring. We can do more when we do it as a group. I really believe that.

New Orleans seems to me a timeless state in a period of transition. After Katrina it had to reinvent itself. It’s done a marvelous job of that. You can find something to love about it whether you’re 80 and rickety or 20 and jobless. It’s got the most decadent food imaginable at every price point. If you go, you are bound to catch yourself smiling even when you thought you were glum. If I had to be a city, I’d be New Orleans. Drinking ginger mint juleps through those humid summer nights…

When I told one of my friends I’m doing a Spring detox he quipped, “what could you possibly be detoxing from?” He asked, so I told him. My Daily Cuppa, one too many Happy Hours a week, my Cupcake Habit. There are more and I don’t track what I eat closely enough to guesstimate how much refined sugar or caffeine I consume but Sidney’s, the cafe upstairs, recently introduced Cappy Hour ($1 off most espresso drinks) and I found myself heading up around 3:30 or 4 to re-caff. Almost daily.

What have I cut? Caffeine, alcohol, refined sugars, puffy white things (including bread for the most part), salt, spices (most of them). Processed food — eliminated altogether.

The first five days were almost painful at times. I was eating so much green stuff I started to feel rabbity. It seemed like everyone around me was eating tasty foods while I ate bland salads. Near the end of day five, the clouds began to open up a bit.

I don’t need to lose weight, and that’s not the point of my detox, so after talking with my partner-in-detox Patrick (currently doing something called the Peak Condition Project) I decided to add eggs, some cheese and soy milk (in moderation) back into the picture. Nuts, also okay in moderation.

You’re probably getting the sense from reading this that I’m allowing myself a lot of slack. You’d be right. The first week was the most intense. Now that I’m more than two weeks into it, I’ve evened out. The detox officially ends April 30. Here are some pointers on how to do a healthy spring clean for your body.

1) Take food with you everywhere. Prepare it in the morning and be sure you have some with you at all times but especially when you know you’re going somewhere you might be tempted to eat something more tantalizing than carrots.

2) Allow yourself some slack. I don’t mean give in to every whim and craving. Just allow yourself some moments of downtime during the detox. I haven’t had any espresso or coffee (not even decaf) in two weeks because I know even one sip would put me be back on the road to withdrawal hell. I have had a total of about five fries and several bowls of granola. This weekend I ate a sweet potato at a restaurant that definitely had cinnamon and maybe sugar in it. Oh well.

3) Drink tea. Good tea. If you don’t know about good tea, get educated on it.

4) Be prepared to discover new foods/sensations. One thing about cutting out refined crap and getting back to organic is you notice more. You taste and smell more. I discovered this incredible tea. I’ve also rediscovered the joy of crunchy lettuce.

5) Be prepared for crazy energy. You’ll find that your day isn’t regulated by caffeine and alcohol anymore, so your energy levels even out. It’s pretty awesome, actually. Once you get over the 5th day hump.

6) Get ready to say no. And perhaps be poked at about detoxing. You know, saying yes to greens and no to junk food is really a lot easier in Boulder. Waitresses get it. Baristas get it. Friends get it. Maybe you should just take a vacation to Boulder for your detox.

7) Have something in mind that you’re working towards. For Patrick, it’s Bruce Lee’s body. For me, it’s feeling really, really good…inside and out.

8) Sit with it. To resist and fight it usually doesn’t work. Sit with it, breathe with it. Write about it or talk about it with someone that supports your detox. Rather than saying “I can’t have X” say “I’m doing this because…” Frame it in the positive and you’ll get a lot further than beating yourself up. Really. I’ve tried both.

9) Create sustainable practices. Try out new foods and when you find some that you like (for me, kale), figure out a way to incorporate them into your life. When the detox is over you have newfound food friends.

10) Find supportive friends. Let them tell it to you straight and support you when you’re low. This is probably the most important part of the detox.

If you decide to give it a try, feel free to shoot me an email. I use Stickk to monitor my progress (and support several people with similar goals). Patrick and I podcasted about the process. And there are more resources at Whole Foods than you can shake a stick it.

Have fun with it! Happy Spring Cleaning!!

A small group of developers got together last Saturday for a top secret meeting (yes, we all got secret agent names) at the sunlit Dushanbe Teahouse in Boulder. Four of the five of us were developers, as this story will reveal. The waiter came to serve us our water. He lifted up the first glass and the bottom dropped out mid-air, spilling water on the floor. I thought “a sign?” as the four scientists/programmers around me set to work determining what laws of physics were at play for such a thing to occur.*

We were meeting to discuss a new project with which I’m involved. I have teamed up with Ingrid Alongi, a kick ass developer, to apply to TechStars. Our application went in last week and we’ve been building since (wish us luck!). There is so much development talent in this town I often feel like I’m in a crock pot stewing with it. Although I’m schooled in business dev, design and user interface, I also have a deep connection with developers, and feel lucky and privileged to be invited to their meetups. I learn a lot at each meet and Saturday was no exception.

The project we were discussing is called Nutmeg. We’re developing an application that’s a fresh take on social networking. We’ll release more details in May. Until then, we’ll document our progress as a team and update frequently. Rock.

*Thanks to Joel Longtine for providing this summary of what may have happened:
The glass weakened over time at the point where the bottom (rather thick and heavy) met the sides (slimmed up quite a bit from the bottom). The glass was a bit hot from the dishwasher and the cold water might have weakened it through some thermal shock (or it could have just been old). When the waiter lifted it off the tray, there was a little bit of water, which probably provided a small vacuum, creating a bit of force, pulling the bottom shear off the rest of the glass.

**Thanks also to Jake Stetser for grabbing some great shots of the meet, including the ones in this post.

I met N in Mexico. A stop watch dangled from his neck. When I asked him why he said, “do you know how many minutes you have in a day to work with?” I admitted I had no idea. He launched into telling me (after some persuasion) how he manages his time, to the minute. He told me that as a talent agent for some big names in Hollywood he often would have two meetings simultaneously. “While one client is filling out paperwork, I’ll run to the room next door and spend twenty minutes with the other client!” Rinse, repeat.

This is the opposite of how I’d want to manage my time, I’ll admit. I appreciate a slow roast approach to client and friend interaction. I want to spend time rolling around with you over a steady flame…

But that wasn’t what N said that really left me flabbergasted. We watched limbs go akimbo as we stood on the pier awaiting the tiny motorboat that would take us to the island; brown bodies hit the water with violent splashes.

“Once a month I take out several sheets of paper. I put my top five most important friends’ names on the tops of the paper. I write what’s working and what isn’t on the paper. Then I call an individual meeting with each of my top five.”

N went on to tell me that at these meetings he tells his friend what he discovered during the process of evaluating the friendship. What he aims to change, what he thinks is going right. In some cases he “breaks up” with the friend if, after multiple meetings where things aren’t going right, nothing changes. In one example, he said he simply told the friend that it wasn’t working out and his time and energy resources were too limited to keep feeding their irreparable (at least at that moment) friendship.

Brutal, I thought at the time. Many months later I think: spot on.

Why spend time cultivating relationships that aren’t helping both parties grow? Why spend another minute giving your energy to a project that isn’t feeding you or those around you? List what’s working, what isn’t. Call a meeting. Address it. Give up the story-line and git ‘er done.

I’m going to take what N said one step further. Every relationship in your life, every event you plan to attend, each major life decision you make should be able to be summed up in a pitch that’s 30 seconds or less. If you can pitch it to your best friend in 30 seconds or less, you have clarity around it. I think the simplicity or complexity of a relationship matters very little to our ability to “pitch” it. I’m also using the word pitch very loosely. I don’t think you have to say “she’s my mom. She raised me and my 5 brothers…” or whatever. 30 seconds is a long time. And I think I could tell you about anyone that _matters_ to me in 30 seconds or less. You’d want to capture the essence of what’s between you…not express the entire fullness of the relationship in 30 seconds.

Kind of like kissing, we learn to pitch by pitching. A pitch, contrary to popular belief, isn’t strictly (or perhaps even primarily) for the edification of the listener. It is often even more important for the person doing the pitching. We pitch to ourselves each time we pitch to someone else. We pitch daily by getting out of bed, interacting with other humans, sharing what we believe in with our loved ones. It’s effective only if we believe it ourselves.

Pitching is a learning process. Try it and see. Next time you’re hanging out with a trusted friend spend three minutes max pitching a few things that matter most to you. If you’re not able to get to the heart of the pitch in under 30 seconds, evaluate it more closely (this often happens for me in a meditation setting, for you it might happen when you’re exercising or writing). Figure out how to get clarity and work through where you’re stuck. Remember that, in a world where more almost always seems to be the answer, elimination is also an option. Be bold, decisive and honest.

With yourself.

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Photo cred: Jackie Kever

Nearly 500 applicants and only 21 lucky gals took home the coveted Editor tiara. Yes, I consider myself lucky. I’m talking about sk*rt. It’s a female-grown website with lots of spunk. It just got a make-over, a fresh crop of editors (including guest editor Kristin Van Ogtrop, Editor of Real Simple Magazine) and gave away more than $1,000 in its most recent contest. Sk*rt loves giving stuff away…way back in the day I won a pair of Ryka tennies that I wear every time I *cough* go running *cough.*

Now, if you actually plowed your way through that asterisk-ridden first paragraph, here’s the deal. Sk*rt is really about community and dialog, like a conversation with your best girlfriends all over the globe. It’s about finding out the hottest, juiciest bits — first. Everything from fashion to travel (my division) to sex (these always seem to get sk-rted most) to tech sprouts up daily on sk*rt. But the site isn’t the only cool part about this project.

Sk*rt is fronted by some of the loveliest biz chicks I’ve met yet. Laurie Smithwick, Laura Mayes and Gabrielle Blair bring the passion and flair. They’ve created a stellar team, a fun and growing being (that was birthed at Blogher last year in Chicago, where I had the pleasure to meet them) with heaps of love, fun and design expertise.

Check it out. Find out for yourself what’s happening under our sk*rts. What you find might delight you.

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Photo yanked from the sk-rt blog

TechStars applications are open for another fourteen days. Got the reminder this morning while reading Brad Feld’s blog. Not that I could forget, mind you…

Working out of the TechStars offices means I get to hang out with rad mentors, talented teams and hopeful applicants daily. Around 8 am today at Boulder Open Coffee I was reminded yet again why I do this. The format this morning was “self-help.” Folks from the group of nearly fifty threw out questions/problems they’re currently wrestling with (like: how do I manage my investors?) and the group responded. Knowledgeable, friendly responses to hard questions. That’s why I gush about this community so much.

Go ahead and get your application in. Acknowledge the fear (I might be rejected! I might have to eat ramen all summer! I might get hazed!) and apply anyway. Live at your edge. You’ll be in good company in Boulder.