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Would you like to ask a question?
Watching Jeff develop the dojo over the past few months has been delightful to witness. Today he threw a small vegan BBQ bash (you read that right, even the cheese on the vegan dogs was dairy-free. Jeff's a pro).
Thankfully, I was not attacked by ninjas while on the premises.
(Which reminds me of a time I was visiting my grandmother in the States and a woman at the Belk checkout counter asked me if it was scary living in Japan "because of all them samurais.")
(...when I laughed and she didn't, I realized she was serious. And my grandmother had to tactfully explain that there really aren't ninjas anymore, except for in museums.)
Jeffrey has mad East Coast style. He's one of the raddest designers I know. He helped me record the HP commercial a couple months back with only a few hours notice.
I'm proud to see his business grow. And to call him a friend.
...with whom I can veg(an) out.
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]]>Today Joel and I spent the first part of the day over brunch thinking about where we were one year ago today, on 03.06.09. We talked about where we are today, and where we'd love to be by March 6, 2011. (Call it a Relationship Year.)
3.6.9 - 3.6.10
(View photo sets of the above)
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After goal-setting we did ordinary things: driving through the car wash, dropping off camera for repair, taking naps.
This evening, there was decadence. We celebrated by getting a new digital camera.
And by spending time with some friends at Happy. Drinking Divine Droplets.
All in all, the day was a good reflection of our first year really in this together.
For those of you who are here, and in it, thank you.
Your friendship means the world.
*
Do you set goals with your partner? How? When?
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Read more questions you've written (and my answers) here.
Ask a question if the spirit moves you! I'll answer it as soon as possible.
(Side note: I know someone who edits her tweets on paper before posting them to the web.)
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The purpose of an operating system is to organize and control hardware and software so that the device it lives in behaves in a flexible but predictable way. - How Operating Systems Work
My partner and I see our relationship as running on an operating system.
When all is running smoothly, we barely notice it. It efficiently handles resource allocation and quietly runs applications (dance lessons, friendship development, work life). It operates as an operating system does on a computer. Without the operating system, the relationship has nothing on which to run.
How to Install a Relationship OS This will vary from couple to couple. Perhaps it starts with defining what you'd like the scope of the relationship to be. Later into the relationship, maybe it's a relationship health checkup. Defining what applications you'd like to run (a year from now, five years from now, fifty years from now) are all potential starting points.
Basic applications: buying groceries, putting gas in the car
Heftier applications: processing the death of a loved one, communicating during unemployment
What makes the OS Relationship effective? Define it, keep it updated, limit the number of applications you run at a time. Put it to sleep at night.
Signs Your OS Needs an Update Do you "need" a dozen texts throughout the day to know he's thinking of you? Do you reach for your device when she starts talking to you?
It's time for a system update.
How to Perform Relationship OS Updates Each morning, sit down to tea and discuss what's up in one another's lives. Sort out misunderstandings and make requests in a loving way - daily. Doing routine updates makes it easier when arguments come up - it keeps the system stable.
When the operating system is running well, applications crash less frequently. Communication is solid. A few texts throughout the day do the trick. A thirty minute lunch date reconnects you. As a couple, you run lean. It's definitely time for an update when your Communication Application is glitchy and fails to launch, or crashes, throughout the day. Three final reminders:
- The more minimalist the system, the better it runs
- The fewer applications you run at a time, the better it runs
- Final note: if you decide to go the open source route, make sure your partner knows it
Seeing the relationship run on an operating system gives us the freedom to be our best selves when we're out doing our work growing relationships and businesses.
How does your OS run?
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This week, to honor a year of domestic incubation (a term I resisted for the first ten months or so), Joel and I will be sharing stories on our blogs (find him at http://joellongtine.com).
This is in addition to other posts of the social web variety. Please subscribe for daily geek love updates all this week.
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Mondo Beyondo
This month marks the beginning of a new Mondo Beyondo course. As you know, I'm a huge fan of Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen. That Mondo Beyondo has taken on a life of its own, recently was featured in Daily Candy and is helping friends of mine live beyond their wildest dreams is deeply fulfilling to me. The next course starts March 8th and I hope you'll consider jumping in (and getting cracking on your life list).
Gold Digging
Okay, you've got big goals. Now, it's time to go digging for gold.
Sarah J Bray is a web wand waver. She makes magic happen with design.
I met Sarah when she and Liz came to Boulder for our clothing swap. Between the three of us, we hatched some plans. It's such a joy to watch Sarah launch this new web gold digging program. You often ask who I'd recommend to help you design your site, and I often mention Sarah. Now's your chance. And if her enthusiasm is any indication, this is going to be a wild prospectin' ride.
Coaches Rising
Like with Sarah and Andrea, I first met Laurens on the internet (at Gaiam, which used to be called Zaadz before the acquisition). At one point, Laurens was in Japan and stopped by our yoga studio in Yokohama. He recently reached out to ask if I'd give some of my time to a virtual summit he's leading for coaches. Some of my favorite folks (like Brian, founder of Zaadz, Philosopher's Notes) are on board. I'll be speaking on March 31 at 10 Eastern - and it's free to join the call. We'll be talking social web with a Zen twist.
The pretty amazing thing is that if you have a computer, you can do any of these things. But they'll all require you to take what you're learning offline.
Hope you can do some dreaming, some gold digging and some all-purpose rising this month.
*While these statements haven't been verified by the FDA or the FTC, I stand behind them. I also have an affiliate relationship with these folks and each time you sign up for their courses, you support my endeavors financially, too. I'm thrilled to support theirs. Go get your superhero on.
]]>It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness. -George Santayana
Dear Joel,
A year ago we decided to launch a startup together.
We gave it a name, "Gwen+Joel." We set it up with a website. We picked a launch date, "03.06.09." We streamed it to a thousand of our web friends. Hashtags emerged. We were public when we decided to share this wild trip together. And why not? Our first moves towards a relationship were made in public, on Twitter, after all. (Not knowing we'd start a trend.)
Image: Holly Hoyt Photography
Despite the twittering tech (because of?) our friendship has a base I find hard to describe. When I'm out traveling several times a month, I feel it. You envelope me at the airport. Coming and going, you meet me. Your eyes look like your mom's when they well up. We say good-bye. We trade hearts, I board and fly with yours. Even as I fly, you ground me, hold me. Even with the inevitable turbulence, we're working on the same team, toward goals we evolve together.
(When you do fly in the seat next to me, you split the Toblerone in two, giving me the bigger part. Thank you for doing that. Those gestures don't go unnoticed.)
We launched this even though we know startups fail. Startups, relationships. Fail.
They ask for a leap, promise nothing for absolute sure. But your first startup didn't fail, nor did mine. And the ones we're in now are poised for take off. I think it helps we talk. We talk about everything. We talk about the what ifs. Not the "what if you get run over by a semi." But the more likely what ifs. What if you see a beautiful woman and she makes your heart skip a beat? What if I'm on the road and enjoy a conversation with a gentleman? What if technology presents a temptation? Both on the human end - and if it asks us to stretch ourselves beyond what's healthy.
We cover as much terrain on the map as possible. And when we're exhausted from traveling, we incubate again. We have dark days. On the toughest, we reach out to those who love us and promised to support us in this.
We can't see all the edges of the map (nor do we want to), but this first year has given us a lay of the land.
The startup of our marriage, for a year in a tight bud, finds a way to bloom. In its own way, it's coming out of the incubation stage. Our relationship, though still in startup mode, has evolved this year.
I think it's fair to say we're ready to come out of beta.
What do you reckon?
Yours,
G
--
This week, to honor a year of domestic incubation (a term I resisted for the first ten months or so), Joel and I will be sharing stories on our blogs (find him at http://joellongtine.com). This is in addition to other posts of the social web variety. Please subscribe for daily geek love updates all this week.
Please share your geek love stories. How does yours bud?
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We had an hour before Expanding Your Horizons started, so I took her to the Atlas building. We'd chat for a bit, then I'd read while A drew. She knew it was the building in which I taught last year, so we talked about the class. At one point, I asked if she had to start a career tomorrow, what she'd be. Fashion designer. (Mentally noted, later in the day I'd introduce her to my fashion designer friend, Lola.)
When we got to the conference at five past ten it was A, multiplied by three hundred. She checked herself in while I tried to do as few embarrassing things as possible. (Wasn't that long ago I was a teenager and adults were forever doing embarrassing things.) We edited her badge together. I gave her one of my stickers to wear on the back of the badge (sure! I'll advertise for you! came her witty response). Then I said, hasta luego chica. You're on your own now! See you at two. (She would text if anything came up. Which was great except my phone ran out of battery around noon.) On my way out, was happy to notice a previous client, Pangea Organics, had sponsored the event.
And off I went to read, enjoy a chocolate mate latte. (Only in Boulder?) My mind kept shooting over to what she might be doing. Some sort of Physics game? Was she learning about computer programming? Was she deciding what she wanted to be when she grew up? (I'd asked her if she wanted to go to CU. She shook her head "no." And added, "it's a total party school.") Later in the day she taught me how to play Mancala and we split a piece of cheesecake. I introduced her to all my business owner girlfriends on Pearl Street who happened to be keeping shop on a Saturday.
We talked fashion and then read books for an hour. It was over before I knew it. And you know what? It was one of those days you go into thinking you're going to teach and you come out having learned.
How many times have you thought to yourself, "I'll mentor someone, someday, when I'm successful enough to mentor someone."
If you can navigate to this website, you can mentor someone.
If you can read this blog post, you can mentor someone.
If you can type a comment, you can mentor someone.
And I hope for their sake, and for yours, you will.
]]>A: It's as simple and impossible as taking something as unsexy as seatbelt awareness, putting it into a one minute, thirty second commercial that's visually stunning and heart wrenching in its arc. That's how to drive more traffic to your site.
*Far and away the question I'm asked most often during a consulting session. Pun unintended.
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