Life's Too Short to Sit Through a Bad Keynote
This year's South by Southwest challenged me. And not at the intellectual level.
I didn't stay out all night partying as I did the first time I attended the conference two years ago. The truth is, like Jolie O'Dell, I craved a more intimate experience. And it wasn't happening.
During sessions at (tech) conferences (primarily over this past year), here's what I've observed. One person makes an off-hand remark about the speaker on the social web (Twitter, primarily) and suddenly folks are up and leaving en masse. If the speaker/interviewer misses a beat, it could be end of story. (End of career?) This short-tempered, short-sightedness undermines the fabric of the conversation (we so desperately want to create/monitor/strategize about). And even the most seasoned professional speakers will tell you it's disheartening to watch a room clear out as you're delivering your message.
If something doesn't suit us, we change the channel. Life's too short to sit through a bad keynote, right?
Maybe not.
When I did my yoga teacher training, our instructors told us that we often learned more going through a "bad" yoga class than we did a good one. If a teacher taught something we disagreed with, we didn't just roll up the yoga mat and walk out. We stayed with it and, if it seemed like right speech, asked the teacher after class if we could give him feedback. (And then, we were to do so in a spirit of growth.)
We learn from watching others stumble. We see a bit of ourselves reflected in that stumble.
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A lack of self-control is evident at conferences.
Folks who remained after the "swag wars" at BlogHer last year said the hotel lobby was trashed. I saw similar activity this weekend. I accept it - and I want to see it change. I want to see civil conference activity. Where folks watch the speakers rather than use their devices to tweet out what a lousy job she's doing.
I want to see less "drive-by conversation." You know how this goes. Folks will spot someone with more social standing and a crowd will form around them. In this new arrangement, conversation moves quickly from ideas to self-promotion and, honestly, there's less learning and sharing happening. We want to stay within our cozy spheres of familiar ideas.
I envision conferences like these "magical dinners." I want us, as technologists, to stay with the person we're meeting or the conversation we're having or the session we're attending - to stay with that uncomfortable urge for a moment longer. To learn from a "bad" keynote. To keep eye contact with the "non-celebrity" when a "celebrity" comes into the room.
I want us to develop self-control as technologists and independent thinkers. We're creating the future. And yes, I believe that with that power comes a responsibility, not just to others, but to ourselves. This is our responsibility: to keep our seats at that first indication of keynote-induced discomfort.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Reader Comments (19)
I just read your "end of career" link, and Yikes! People may start refusing to do keynotes altogether with receptions like that.
I like your view of things. I hope we trend toward a more civilized behaviour.
Blogger 2010 will my first blog/tech conf.and I think this post really helps me to focus on the kind of experience I want that to be. I can't imagine ever leaving in the middle of a keynote unless I had a serious bathroom issue to attend to. What a shame. Thanks for the great insight and reminders of how to have a more intimate conference experience.
I wasn't at this particular conference, but this post is right on - it should be a mandatory read for everyone attending any conference. We would never allow our kids to behave like that in public and yet...
Schmutzie totally agree. The few times I've had a live hashtag screen behind me I've had to go into trance zone to ignore it. It's occasionally good to have questions pop up to answer (as a speaker, can take some pressure off during Q/A) but more often then not, it opens the floodgates for hashtag takeovers. (We've seen that at keynotes - and yes, it's a worrisome trend.)
The thing is, I love the way we're engaging the technology on some levels. Maybe we'll swing way out in one direction and work our way back to the middle. For now, I'll hug middle and do my best to surround myself with folks (online and off) I know will help me keep self in check.
Wow. Just wow. I think it's sickening how ADULTS think its okay to become an internet bully at a conference of this stature {or in general really}. The thing with social media is that you lose that face-to-face value--in all aspects. It's easy to tweet about how *shitty* someone's speech is but ask yourself this: would you tell them so in person? I doubt it.
On a happier note, Glenn & I are going next year so put your party hat on. <3
Hi Gwen,
Sorry I missed you at SXSW... Definitely agree that there were many times when people were leaving the panels, and it was extremely irritating.. especially in the conversation based sessions on Level 3... I think it was mostly due to the large number of concurrent panels and the sometimes misleading titles that caused people to want to bail on the session for another one they may have been considering as well...
In any case, I agree that it is disrespectful to the panelist. I was in a session a few years ago where the speaker stopped talking as soon as a guy stood up to leave and said "I'll continue when he gets through"... this obviously embarrassed the guy and he sat down.. but I think letting people know that it is not okay is the first step!
It is called manners and sadly Generation Y, also known as the Millennial Generation or Generation Next or Net Generation needs to learn some. Respect is something one should learn in life, otherwise life will be an up hill struggle. Your article Gwen was a delight I applaud you.
I agree completely. Now that everyone has a voice via the internet, we need to learn how to use it properly.
Hmmm... I'm not sure.
I think there are three issues here.
First: politeness. And, yep, bitchiness and bullying are lame wherever, whatever.
Second: keeping your seat in situations that don't match your preferences or make you uncomfortable. I'm a meditator - I'm down with that.
Third: staying in a keynote purely out of politeness? Not sure...
I have spoken at BarCamps, where people vote with their feet - if you're not learning or contributing, you head somewhere else.
The energy was amazing - knowing that everyone was in the room because they wanted to be.
I think (and maybe I'm flattering myself here) that I'd prefer to have a smaller group of engaged people than a large group of people politely pretending to listen because they didn't want to hurt my feelings.
But... I don't know.
Thanks for the thoughtful post - it made me clarify some stuff for myself, at least!
It's heartening to read a post about compassion and technology. When I think of all the good things that can happen because of our immediate connectedness (raising money for Haiti or spreading the word about a blogger with a health trauma, or raising awareness about domestic violence) it is discouraging when the use of our technology leads to being snarky and downright mean. Public speaking is hard, it's hard to do well - not sure if it's a myth or if that research is true that most people would prefer death to public speaking. Fine if you want to get up and leave, that's called taking care of yourself. But the idea of publicizing this departure on Twitter with the intent to (or lack of awareness that it might) create a cascade of departure, that's just rude. Thanks for your reminder to be human.
Hey Gwen!
I really liks this post. I am currently re-reading the old book 'seven habits of highly effective people' and it I think it's philoshopy is much in line with your plea: it is about acting from principle, listening, keeping your long-term values in mind.
I love the idea of magical dinners too! Too bad I live a continent away in Belgium :)
Best wishes, Hannah
i completely agree - it's incredibly easy to focus on being critical instead of being constructive.
i love what you said about maintaining eye-contact with a non-celebrity when a celebrity walks into the room ... avoiding this sort of social climbing is tough to do, especially when you're hungry for success or recognition, but i think it's very important to remember that everyone has value and you never really know when contacts you've made will play a key role in fine-tuning your ideas, changing a viewpoint, or even changing your life.
<<We would never allow our kids to behave like that in public and yet...>>
...a lot of them do - it's called school. :)
Fantastic post, Gwen! I think most people would agree that we learn the most from our challenges and pushing through them is how we grow. And as my mother would say, "Learn from other people's mistakes - you don't have time to make them all on your own." And as the tech ed teacher at my last high school used to teach, "If you're not using it for good, you're not using it - you're abusing it."
So glad I got to give you a real-life hug this weekend!
Andrew Lightheart Appreciate your feedback. Gave it some thought and now clarifying a bit. I don't think folks should stay in a keynote to be polite. As I wrote, I think you can learn a lot by staying with conversations/keynotes/moments that aren't comfortable for you. I've been part of bar camps, too, and know what you're saying. The environment is about moving on to get what you want out of an event.
I get it. We're responsible for our own learning experience. Same goes for organized schooling. You don't have to attend lectures with professors you don't like. Just get the notes and show up for tests. I know people who did/do that. I'm not an advocate of it. There's a lesson in even the most boring lecture. I had a professor whose lectures we suffered through. A little suffering is part of it. Just like you don't leave a relationship because it's not as exciting as it once was, you don't leave a conference room at the first indication it's not going to be a stellar performance.
Because that's what it's coming down to, right? Another speaker at the conference gets a whole lot of buzz - and a packed room - because of charisma. Charisma is fun to engage with - but it's not the only kind of energy from which we can learn. We can learn a lot from staying with what makes us squirm.
Gwen, thanks so much for this post. We lose our humanity when we act in the ways you describe. And technology, as much value as it brings us, should never trump humanity.
SXSWi is the only conference I attend that I do actually give myself the freedom to walk out of a panel or keynote - This is in reaction to having felt disrespected as an attendee too many times by unprepared speakers, etc. There are far too many other great sessions happening concurrently not too. But leaving in a huff of sarcastic Tweets and loud exits is obnoxious and unfair.
On the intimacy note - I think what I've learned the most from the last 4 years at SXSWi is that change and connection happens on the sidewalk when skipping the keynote (cough), next to a geeky looking loner at the salsa bar and when sharing a bicycle cab with a stranger at 2am.
VERY happy to report that I didn't attend a single official SXSW party / event this year and that is probably why I had such a great time with so many amazing (and new!!) people.
And next time you're in Houston I'm snagging you for the vegan comfort food dinner club :). Yes yes?
Hey Gwen!
I'm in total agreement on several levels.
#1- Attendees need to be present, be respectful, be open to hearing something they may disagree with.
#2 - Rudeness should not be exhibited or tolerated. If a person dislikes the message, at least stay and see/hear it through to the end.
The only reason to ever leave a presentation en masse is when the room is on fire.
Great post!
Awesome, refreshing perspective, being inundated by that negative feedback all week. Thanks for challenging a different, more respectful opinion. My yoga heart also loved the little nod to "satya" which is my next ink project... ;)
Less drive-by conversations. This is my new mantra!