One of my favorite teachers in high school taught one of my least favorite subjects. Michelle Wood* won the superlative for "hottest teacher" or the equivalent every year. She taught chemistry to the best and brightest, and to the "Honor" kids that didn't make it to AP (advanced placement) levels. That'd be me.

In the columns and at the bottom of each page of our multiple-paged chemistry tests she wrote encouraging phrases like, "almost there!" and "keep up the great work!" Her handwriting, bold, smiling and encouraging, got me through those tests. When you reached the end there was an extra large "WELL DONE!" and hand-drawn stars and banners. A real celebration. I don't remember failing any of them outright but that may have been because she gave us credit for showing our thought processes.

Ms. Wood was loved throughout the school, even by the younger classes, because she rewarded effort and valued the process as much or more than the outcome or final grade. Like a true scientist, she recognized that doing the work was its own reward. And the way she honored each student equally, keeping her cool even as the last minute push to sneak into the top ten percent of the graduating class was on. Her blond curls and big bangs seemed to effortlessly stay where she wanted them. The boys were, justifiably, transfixed, during her lectures on the boiling point of frog sperm.

Today as I was leaving Dunkin' Donuts(tm) I noticed a well-designed, miniature STOP sign. It made me wonder why we couldn't have Encouragement Signs up and down the highway. "Almost there!" when you're just outside of a major city. Or "you're driving great" underneath speed limit signs. How about, "remember to breathe" in rush hour traffic areas. Anybody else agree that this might help with raging drivers?

I think that the world could do more encouraging. Expecting the best from people the way our schools used to of us. Even though I lived with my grandparents and didn't have parents like the "normal" kids at school, I can't think of one instance when a teacher expected me to fuck up or do less than my peers. (Most of them had met my grandparents anyway and they knew my grandparents expected even more from me than I did). It was blessing. And a challenge.

As most of you know, I don't have kids yet. But encouraging and expecting the best out of people (rather than assuming they're going to make a debacle out of a task they're assigned) is a combination of trust and releasing. Trusting they can do it without you. Releasing the desire to control the outcome of a project. Those of us without kids would do well to prepare by practicing with strangers. Parents have an opportunity to practice this daily.

I watched Bridezillas for the first time the other day. The premise? Brides having emotional breakdowns because they're unable to deal with all they have to do leading up to the "big day." In every episode (they braid them together so that one starts before the other has ended--worst gimmick in the book!) the inevitable unwinding occurs when a bride is unable to trust her bridesmaid or parent.

How can we encourage people and expect them to do their best without giving up all control? For Michelle, it meant training us to exercise self-control, even when she left the room for the duration of a test. While other teachers sat at the front of the room and "observed" us (helping us with hints during the test), she left to grade papers. What I learned from Michelle Wood is that in order to be a great teacher or leader (in whatever capacity) we have to do the best we can during "class hours" and leave the room during "tests," always remembering to give encouragement wherever we can, even if only in the margins.

*Not her real name.

Photo credit: Vintage Books