I met N in Mexico. A stop watch dangled from his neck. When I asked him why he said, “do you know how many minutes you have in a day to work with?” I admitted I had no idea. He launched into telling me (after some persuasion) how he manages his time, to the minute. He told me that as a talent agent for some big names in Hollywood he often would have two meetings simultaneously. “While one client is filling out paperwork, I’ll run to the room next door and spend twenty minutes with the other client!” Rinse, repeat.

This is the opposite of how I’d want to manage my time, I’ll admit. I appreciate a slow roast approach to client and friend interaction. I want to spend time rolling around with you over a steady flame…

But that wasn’t what N said that really left me flabbergasted. We watched limbs go akimbo as we stood on the pier awaiting the tiny motorboat that would take us to the island; brown bodies hit the water with violent splashes.

“Once a month I take out several sheets of paper. I put my top five most important friends’ names on the tops of the paper. I write what’s working and what isn’t on the paper. Then I call an individual meeting with each of my top five.”

N went on to tell me that at these meetings he tells his friend what he discovered during the process of evaluating the friendship. What he aims to change, what he thinks is going right. In some cases he “breaks up” with the friend if, after multiple meetings where things aren’t going right, nothing changes. In one example, he said he simply told the friend that it wasn’t working out and his time and energy resources were too limited to keep feeding their irreparable (at least at that moment) friendship.

Brutal, I thought at the time. Many months later I think: spot on.

Why spend time cultivating relationships that aren’t helping both parties grow? Why spend another minute giving your energy to a project that isn’t feeding you or those around you? List what’s working, what isn’t. Call a meeting. Address it. Give up the story-line and git ‘er done.

I’m going to take what N said one step further. Every relationship in your life, every event you plan to attend, each major life decision you make should be able to be summed up in a pitch that’s 30 seconds or less. If you can pitch it to your best friend in 30 seconds or less, you have clarity around it. I think the simplicity or complexity of a relationship matters very little to our ability to “pitch” it. I’m also using the word pitch very loosely. I don’t think you have to say “she’s my mom. She raised me and my 5 brothers…” or whatever. 30 seconds is a long time. And I think I could tell you about anyone that _matters_ to me in 30 seconds or less. You’d want to capture the essence of what’s between you…not express the entire fullness of the relationship in 30 seconds.

Kind of like kissing, we learn to pitch by pitching. A pitch, contrary to popular belief, isn’t strictly (or perhaps even primarily) for the edification of the listener. It is often even more important for the person doing the pitching. We pitch to ourselves each time we pitch to someone else. We pitch daily by getting out of bed, interacting with other humans, sharing what we believe in with our loved ones. It’s effective only if we believe it ourselves.

Pitching is a learning process. Try it and see. Next time you’re hanging out with a trusted friend spend three minutes max pitching a few things that matter most to you. If you’re not able to get to the heart of the pitch in under 30 seconds, evaluate it more closely (this often happens for me in a meditation setting, for you it might happen when you’re exercising or writing). Figure out how to get clarity and work through where you’re stuck. Remember that, in a world where more almost always seems to be the answer, elimination is also an option. Be bold, decisive and honest.

With yourself.

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Photo cred: Jackie Kever