(This is the second in a series of five posts this week on Humanizing Technology)

Yesterday I talked about the importance of bringing ourselves to the present moment and really being there for people. How staying present in our daily lives is the best prevention for burn out. Today’s topic focuses on what happens before that relationship has even blossomed. Each time we meet someone we have an opportunity. The opportunity is to get to know another person and to share part of ourselves. The opportunity is not to sell ourselves. But I’m seeing a lot of this selling lately during HITs.

I had a HIT with my friend Stan James today. Caught him as he’s passing through town on his way to South America. As we enjoyed our bento box lunches at Japango (double thumbs up from a chick that knows Japanese food), we shared our latest startup ideas, reminisced on our childhoods growing up as military kids (he started school abroad, too) and our ability to adapt to any situation we’re in. We both believe that growing up as military brats gave us the ability to fit in practically anywhere in the world.

The first time I had a conversation with Stan we were at the Boulder Open Coffee networking event. It took me several minutes to find out about his company. We talked about everything else. His Idea Notebook, his pen, my rain boots. Neither of us were beating around the bush, either. We were just taking the time to get to know each other.

Humanizing tech takes time. Rather than speeding through a conversation to get to the part where you get to talk about yourself, savor the words, gestures and facial expressions of the person with whom you’re talking. Feedback to them, in real time, what they’ve told you. Notice a detail in their clothing and comment on it. Be present for them.

We’re humans before we’re technologists. It seems to me that the way we lead (or lean) into a conversation will set the tone for the relationship for years to come.

Watch how you lead. First time meeting someone? Don’t “pitch” yourself or business. This includes email.

With all the informal meet ups, coffee shop conversations and social engagements I’ve attended this month in Boulder, one element has really stood out for me. The people that lead with a business card or an elevator pitch have to fight hard for my attention. Those that lead with a smile and a story win me instantly. Maybe I’m a sucker for a story, but a story or a joke reels me in and captures my heart. Lead with your heart and trust that your business, startup or otherwise, can be folded into the conversation the way fruit is folded into a crepe. Slowly, gently, and with tenderness.

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Pictured here: Arron Kallenberg of Villij, Tom Chikoore of Filtrbox, Stan James of Lijit, Paul Salamone of Plunge Artist Design. Photo taken at the first Boulder Creative Commons meet up.