Thanksgiving in Mexico
It was a Mexican Thanksgiving. The rotund Americans that swarm to Ajiijic looking for the good life post-retirement were licking their fingers, getting waited on by well-dressed Mexicans and waddling towards the buffet meal that awaited them. I picked up my plate and flatware and prepared to choose the vegetarian foods from among the carnivore options.
That Thanksgiving I was in luck because there was potato salad, stuffing, bright purple cranberry sauce and a variety of fresh fruit and vegetables. The smell of the turkey made me salivate. As I dipped the serving spoon into potato salad, having bypassed the ham slices, a foreigner behind me whispered in my ear: “you’re going to need to eat a lot more than that to fatten up.” Flabbergasted, I mumbled, “thanks” or something. Moments later I came up with a dozen “better” responses but never had the chance to follow up with her. I wondered, though, how she would have felt if I had waited until she had finished piling up food on her plate and asked if she intended to lose weight on a diet like that.
My Stats. Love ‘em or Hate ‘em, It’s Me
I’m going to disclose my stats to you today. I’m five foot eleven, more than six feet in heels. I’m still working on my slouching issue, by consciously lifting up through my spine throughout the day. I despised my height in high school, got the occasional “are you anorexic?” and soared above my peers in the height category.
I weigh between 130-135 pounds and have fluctuated very little during my life to date. I eat when I’m hungry. That’s usually five or six times a day. I tend to eat small meals and take only as much food as I need. I eat calmly, with awareness and gratitude for my food. I say my version of grace (in Japanese, but that’s another post) before each meal I consume. When I’m full, I stop eating. Very rarely do I go back for seconds.
I do yoga daily, even if just a few stretches. My breasts are buoyant (read: small) enough to skip the bra, but I wear one most of the time anyway. I am healthy, well-balanced physically and mentally. My last check-up was in January and I had slightly elevated blood pressure at that time but I think it’s because I had driven an hour and a half to get to the appointment, in rush hour traffic and I started bleeding in the waiting room. I have definitely been more relaxed.
Cranberry Muffins vs Orange Puffy Snacks
Today I was eating a cranberry walnut muffin (0 trans fat, organic), drinking half-caf coffee when a white-haired lady walked by with two of her friends. As she passed she said, “you’re gonna stay skinny if you keep eating like that.” I told her I eat several small meals a day and do yoga, but she kept walking. She didn’t want a dialogue. She wanted to comment on my weight. Why is that acceptable to do to so-called skinny people but not to so-called fat folks? If I walked by a “fat” person eating Cheetos and said, “you’re going to stay fat if you keep eating crap like that,” imagine the outrage. If I made it out of that situation without Cheetos being hurled in my direction, I would be surprised.
If you want to comment on my weight, make it obviously positive. Tell me how how sexy my hips look in that dress. Or, better yet, understand that each of us wants to live a life free of comparison, free from labels. I may be skinny compared to you, but I’m not skinny compared to the Olsen twins. And it doesn’t matter.
My point here, really, is this. We’re grown ups. I wish that poking fun, snide comments and comparisons were left behind in the halls of our high schools, but they weren’t. I am proud of the body I’m in. I dress it up in pretty things. I respect it and put things into it that it enjoys. I don’t need your compliments or put downs.
But if you get the urge to tell me how hot my ass looks in those jeans, I’ll let you.
Photo credit: Tara Anderson
You are seriously dead on. I’ve spent my whole life being skinny. When I graduated high school I was 6′2″ and 135lbs with wet clothes on. I didn’t have an eating disorder, I just had a ridiculously overactive metabolism.
Now I’m a much healthier 170lbs but I still get shit for being “skinny”. I get it much less being in Boulder, but back home, I get people, including mostly my family, that just go on and on about me being skinny and that I need to get a little “meat on my bones”. I’m sorry, but I like who I am dammit.
And I totally agree…we can’t say anything bad about the opposite end of the spectrum, so it’s total crap that we’re just expected to take it.
Way to go Gwen
i was “given” the same kind of “compliments” whenever i’d see friends or family. Its pretty annoying. No “How the hell have you been?”s or “Shit its been forever, let’s catch up”s. Just “you’re still skinny like in high school. You need to eat more.” :(
I say we should have the ability to throw lots of tofu and organic foods at whomever says things like that. Or at least tell them they have a boogie. :)
I think you look great and from the little i’ve interacted with you its also because you feel wonderful about yourself. So maybe they’re all just jealous that you’re happy?
w00t! I loved this article. You look terrific. I have always been slender because I have always had a high metabolic rate like Matt. And like Brian I have always put up with people remarking on me being “skinny” and needing to gain weight. What a crock. I’m fit, healthy and attractive and so are you.
There’s nothing wrong with you, Gwen.
Now, if I could find a way to lose 40 pounds without running myself ragged…
I think in their mind they ARE giving you a compliment. I don’t think it occurs to them that what they are saying sounds rude. I get the same kinds of encounters about having four kids.
Okay, Gwen. I gotta ask… What were the dozen better responses you came up with?!? Here’s your opportunity to come up with the skinny-person’s definitive list of snarky and/or insightful comebacks!
i just wanted to say you look totally hot in those jeans.
I’ve had to endure those types of ‘compliments’ my whole life. And, like you, I’m always flabbergasted…which is immediately followed by p*ssed. Because I cannot imagine walking up to someone overweight and making the reverse sort of comment. And the ‘offenders’ will often say that they meant it as a compliment…but if that’s the case, then why does it sound/feel so angry? I’m so tired of feeling like I have to explain my eating habits (I eat at least as much, if not more, than my mate who weighs at least twice what I do). You’re gorgeous…and I don’t just mean physically…your spirit must glow in person, ’cause it seriously shines on your blog.
Bossy is still working on her slouching issue too. She thinks in her past life she was a Question Mark.
as a dancer, actor, and choreographer in south africa i’ve had to deal with those idiotic comments throughout my carrer, i tried gym and protein supplements but it only worked for a small while. never worry urself about idiots, in my culture there is a saying that goes: “when a DOG is barking at you, you dont kneel down and bark back.they are only compensating for their inferioity/inadequacy by questioning your superiority. poeple hate what they cant conquer, so they try to make u feel bad for having what they can only aspire to have. KULT-MUZIK